Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
