Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
