Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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