vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
