he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
