you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
