Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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