I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm just crazy horny about you
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
