I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
