your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
