I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
