I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
