Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
