Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.

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  (954): the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex. http://tfl.nu/73o1
  Replies (24) Good night (725) Bad night (1382)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"

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  (908): there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel" http://tfl.nu/ti94
  Replies (12) Good night (926) Bad night (2186)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands

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  (773): smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands http://tfl.nu/8z3t
  Replies (98) Good night (4645) Bad night (769)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.

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  (248): I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial. http://tfl.nu/t70i
  Replies (12) Good night (7143) Bad night (999)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.

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  (479): I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary. http://tfl.nu/vju6
  Replies (25) Good night (1206) Bad night (4727)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.

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  (613): It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over. http://tfl.nu/tn8v
  Replies (9) Good night (1093) Bad night (3383)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.

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  (469): I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed. http://tfl.nu/fhfj
  Replies (33) Good night (6081) Bad night (1058)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again

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  (843): We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again http://tfl.nu/w71h
  Replies (23) Good night (960) Bad night (3423)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.

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  (941): I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch. http://tfl.nu/0s5t
  Replies (16) Good night (2982) Bad night (1218)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."

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  (248): There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding." http://tfl.nu/ytsu
  Replies (5) Good night (1778) Bad night (1144)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.

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  (336): I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs. http://tfl.nu/p7wi
  Replies (5) Good night (2066) Bad night (463)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.

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  (602): The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier. http://tfl.nu/l0xp
  Replies (3) Good night (1055) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.

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  (864): Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol. http://tfl.nu/rl00
  Replies (1) Good night (593) Bad night (264)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.

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  (260): Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message. http://tfl.nu/4llk
  Replies (1) Good night (602) Bad night (212)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.

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  (541): He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/w3c8
  Replies (1) Good night (251) Bad night (763)

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