why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
23 Annoying things Girls Do When They’re Trying To Be Cute
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.