Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?

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  (515): Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out? http://tfl.nu/ragd
  Replies (48) Good night (947) Bad night (2025)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You can't be serious.

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  (417): You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right? (573): You can't be serious. http://tfl.nu/cmch
  Replies (58) Good night (3303) Bad night (698)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?

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  (912): Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance? http://tfl.nu/favq
  Replies (39) Good night (4858) Bad night (886)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.

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  (484): I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition. http://tfl.nu/zjox
  Replies (9) Good night (4938) Bad night (879)
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  (518): View more from New York

  he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.

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  (518): he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name. http://tfl.nu/imhe
  Replies (63) Good night (6745) Bad night (2144)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The Swedes wanted a tensome.

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  (832): The Swedes wanted a tensome. http://tfl.nu/8c8i
  Replies (19) Good night (5468) Bad night (977)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock

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  (704): She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock http://tfl.nu/w4aw
  Replies (12) Good night (2744) Bad night (1121)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in

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  (817): I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in http://tfl.nu/jhp8
  Replies (6) Good night (3118) Bad night (869)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons

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  (416): When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons http://tfl.nu/nkke
  Replies (5) Good night (1789) Bad night (597)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.

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  (732): I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas. http://tfl.nu/d95y
  Replies (6) Good night (2252) Bad night (857)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview

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  (850): No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview http://tfl.nu/suz9
  Replies (5) Good night (1071) Bad night (455)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Like it was yesterday.

  (254): View more from Texas

  Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...

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  (254): Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears? (517): Like it was yesterday. (254): Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery... http://tfl.nu/058m
  Replies (5) Good night (1133) Bad night (334)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing

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  (847): He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing http://tfl.nu/4q9w
  Replies (0) Good night (371) Bad night (452)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  You gift wrapped a tampon.

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  (815): I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase. (1-815): You gift wrapped a tampon. http://tfl.nu/h0zj
  Replies (1) Good night (578) Bad night (274)
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  (818): View more from California

  It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket

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  (818): It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket http://tfl.nu/tfcl
  Replies (0) Good night (272) Bad night (649)

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