Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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