Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  hotel room ftw

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  (313): hotel room ftw http://tfl.nu/h1xu
  Replies (5) Good night (2038) Bad night (726)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes

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  (412): i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes http://tfl.nu/hjgx
  Replies (55) Good night (770) Bad night (5766)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Becoming a productive member of society?

  (509): View more from Washington

  Sam. Come on.

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  (509): Guess what I'm doing tomorrow? (860): Becoming a productive member of society? (509): Sam. Come on. http://tfl.nu/hrkz
  Replies (38) Good night (6798) Bad night (879)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?

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  (903): u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird? (214): Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb? http://tfl.nu/cbow
  Replies (87) Good night (1768) Bad night (5114)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night

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  (214): My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night http://tfl.nu/co3c
  Replies (32) Good night (5642) Bad night (2606)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.

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  (901): I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class. http://tfl.nu/yhk3
  Replies (31) Good night (6832) Bad night (743)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor

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  (402): I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor http://tfl.nu/v346
  Replies (2) Good night (2550) Bad night (880)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.

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  (843): Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing. http://tfl.nu/zggy
  Replies (5) Good night (2077) Bad night (662)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.

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  (503): College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk. http://tfl.nu/e4bz
  Replies (12) Good night (973) Bad night (4229)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break

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  (717): Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break http://tfl.nu/zc4l
  Replies (4) Good night (1885) Bad night (669)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?

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  (319): dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone? http://tfl.nu/6czx
  Replies (6) Good night (1346) Bad night (470)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.

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  (706): Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes. http://tfl.nu/784u
  Replies (3) Good night (1221) Bad night (361)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.

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  (623): It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day. http://tfl.nu/ue2e
  Replies (1) Good night (352) Bad night (551)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.

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  (810): I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style. http://tfl.nu/iivw
  Replies (6) Good night (803) Bad night (462)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.

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  (512): So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically. http://tfl.nu/0h6g
  Replies (4) Good night (894) Bad night (255)

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