8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered