Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
