if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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