i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
