Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
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For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize