I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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