I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
