her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We were destined to go to rehab together
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
