dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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