Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
