the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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