Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
