I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
