She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
