it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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