You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
