You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
