Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm getting married
To pizza
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
