So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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