Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
