He had one of those small greek statue penises
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
