It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
