Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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