At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
