I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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