If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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