Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
