hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
