so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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