Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
