sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
