I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
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you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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