i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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