Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
