pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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