i just made my gag reflex go away.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
