i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
