A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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