she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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