This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
