it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
