Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
