remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm really busy with my period
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