no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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