why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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