I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
