I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
not ubering you a puppy
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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