how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
