pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
