She is in my trunk
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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