"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
