i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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