all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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