We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
