I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
