whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
