I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
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I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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