I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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