we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
