my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
