I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
