Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
