I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
