every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
